住獨立屋便不能叫外賣

話說有個朋友住在xxx道1X5號。沒有幾多座、幾多樓…..
我在他家裡聽他打電話叫外賣…
很好笑…因為我當時不太肚餓….
而且…聽別人拿著電話發怒是很好笑的。
特別是一個自己覺得用中文電話叫外賣是很容易的事,只是我笨才叫得一遢糊塗!
以下是我所聽道的…. 可以想像那位電話外賣服務員在那邊說什麼…..
“xxx道1X5號!”
“冇幾多座o架,係獨立屋啊!”
“都話係獨立屋咯,邊有幾多樓呀?”
“X%YZ,都話係xxx道1X5號獨立屋呀!”
“唔係屋苑,冇特別名,完整地址就係得xxx道1X5號,冇啦。”
“而家住獨立屋係唔係唔可以叫外賣?!叫個 Pizza 你問咁多嘢?”

跟著我看見他掛了線…
死死氣來到我面前 : “唔叫啦…餓我死了…."
”陰公咯…. 要吃 cereal 嗎?……" hahahahhahahaa…

Pizza Hut必勝客中文電話外賣篇

昨晚打電話到 Pizza Hut 叫 Pizza。你們一定沒有問題吧?
要投入香港的生活,我不要怕用中文!
來!鼓起勇氣!為我的晚飯做好準備 !
我看著電腦螢光幕上的英文菜彈,選好了才打電話的,但一樣出事!

又肚餓、又心急,電話响了一會才有一位很有禮貌的服務員接聽: " 係你好,歡迎使用 Pizza Hut 電話外賣服務, 請問要不要試我們現在的優惠精選套餐星期三有二人XXX大蘑菇及意大利腸Pizza跟xxx燒雞肉沙拉送1.5公升百氏或七起?"
“我什麼精選優惠套餐也不想要,請你幫我落order home delivery,我的電話號碼是 257X 2XXX,地址是… XXX, XX道 XX 號,XA樓!”
“對不起,請問是那一區?”
“是 港島的 XXX!”
”啊,是 港島的 XXX ?"
" 對啊!“ 真是嘥氣!
“那屋號是?”
什麼屋號?唔…."XX 號, XX道, XX 樓!”
“請問是那一座?”
“沒有很多座,xx 號就只有一座!”
“那請問是幾多樓?”
嘩!氣死了!!!! “ XX 樓!!!!“
”啊,是 X 樓 嗎?“
想死頂啦你!!又餓又氣的我不停叫自己不要放棄!” 是!全中!“
”那是 X 座 嗎?“
嘩!是不是聾的?都說就只得一座啦!不要放棄,不要放棄不要放棄不要放棄不要放棄, ”唉!是但啦, 是 X 座 吧!!!“
經過一輪搏鬥,他終於宣佈 : ”你現在可以落屙打啦,請問要什麼 Pizza?"
“我要一個大 stuffed crust, super supreme pizza 加 Pepsi 加 一個 garden salad。“ 夠清楚了吧?
”對不起,你可選多款不同批底,我們有芝心批、薄脆批、芝脆批、鬆厚批, 請問你要那一款?"
死….弊傢伙!究竟 Stuffed crust 是什麼批底?" 我不知道 stuffed crust 中文是怎麼叫的,你有沒有會聽英文的同事?“
”小姐,請問你可不可以講中文?“
有冇搞錯!!我除了不懂你們的批底名詞外我全都是用中文講啊!氣死我了!!再試多次吧! ” 我要的批底是邊皮裡面有芝士的,不知中文叫什麼批底,英文就叫 STUFFED CRUST!!!!"
“對不起,我們只有芝心批、薄脆批、芝脆批和鬆厚批批底,你想要那一款?“
”AAARRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!!! 你究竟是人定係電腦???“
“對不起,我們只有四款批底,芝心批、薄脆批、芝脆批和鬆厚批批底,你到底想要那一款?“
說他是電腦真是侮辱了電腦,他簡直是笨得要命的港男呀 !!
我放棄用中文了….." 我要用英文落彈!你而家幫我叫個認識聽英文既同事來落 ORDER !!! "
”那好,請你等一下。“
我跟他那位英文同事只用了三分鐘便完成落ORDER!

教訓:以後不要再試用中文在電話買外賣了。

Getting them to stop the jumping upstairs

My upstairs neighbours are not always easy to live with. They are renting, so if their landlord refused to install carpet… and when they have kids… then there could be a riot overhead.

Sunday – I always welcome a peaceful quiet day, especially on a Sunday afternoon; but no, someone upstairs wanted to jump. It sounded much heavier than a little kid. I waited for it to stop, but after 15 mins of continual THUMP THUMP THUMP …. I ventured upstairs to make a complain.

They did not open the door, so I shouted from the outside :
" Please could u be so kind to stop the jumping?"

The woman came to the other side of the door to shout back a firm NO, because you cut my sheets !

“OH, I did? How can I cut your sheets if I have never entered your house?"
That shut her up.
But she shouted again! “I am doing jump rope! It’s exercise!"
I wonder why she told me that?
“Well, good on ya, I dare u to jump some more, please do not stop! It’s really healthy! I will be listening!"

When I returned downstairs, the jumping has STOPPED…
I guess, she cannot keep jumping for more than 15 mins…. it’s rather tiring to torture your downstairs neighbour.

給狄娜的朋友….

懇請各位採訪記者…
請你們能給狄娜的孩子~米高一些透氣的空間。
請你們也體量一下他不是公眾人物,不要再採訪他。
採訪=騷擾,也=騷擾正在休息的狄娜。
你們的採訪騷擾她的愛兒,也會令她不高興和擔憂啊…
換著是你吧?
如果為著躲避傳媒的追訪而不能正常地生活和失去自由,你也會感到很苦惱吧?
如你們是真正關心狄娜健康的朋友,請讓她好好休息,請你們忍耐一下,代她完全康復後,她們一定會出來與你們見面的。

在此,我也要多謝各方好友: 狄娜網友們和有線電視的好朋友

多謝近曰的來電/emails,你們的關心和問候我都已轉告狄娜。(已跟她通了電話)
而且昨天狄娜也都已通過助手回應,她表示多謝大家的關心,現在已沒事,一切平安。

亦舒小說中的優閒下午茶

上星期已約好了E,來我家嘆一個優閒的英式下午茶。
elyseafternoontea2
英式茶點~不是因亦舒寫過後才會吃的,而是從小便愛吃的好東西!
德芬郡奶油配玫瑰醬塗在英式鬆餅上,亦舒叫它做「司空餅」。
玫瑰醬:是用玫瑰花瓣和蘋果醬做的,有玫瑰香,也有蘋果的清甜;配上塗得厚厚的德芬郡奶油,好吃極!
還有貪嘴的我把鵝肝醬切得厚厚+多士…. 唔!
從前住德國時常吃的早餐:德國黑森林煙燻火腿配黑麵包,雖然那麵包還是不夠黑…但也很好味啊!
士多啤梨蛋白糖霜脆餅是應該跟奶油一起吃才好味的,因它實在很甜,但今天我兩都很飽啦…
Earl Grey Tea 就是亦舒常常提到的格雷伯爵茶,我是用 Twinings Loose Tea Leaf …

Wild life in Hong Kong

Today was gloomy and wet, reluctantly I got dressed and headed for the ATM machines down my street. I went down one side to pick up my mail, and just before I stepped out to the street, I heard a squeak coming from behind me. I turned around and darted my eyes searching for it’s owner. At first I couldn’t make out what was squeaking. Then when I attempted to walk towards the sound, I found a lump of brown fury thing on the ground. When I got close enough to really see what I had found, I started to panic. That poor baby bird. It appeared to be frightened, and tired. (Not my first encounter with wild birds)
It wasn’t tiny, so I knew it cannot be the common tree sparrow, but it’s beak wasn’t hooked so it may not be the eagle either… which I first thought it was. However, after checking the HK Bird watch site, I gathered that it is most likely a baby spotted dove.
I looked at it for a while, there was no blood, nothing broken (as it spread it’s wings once or twice) so it didn’t appeared to be injured. Just very tired, disorientated, frightened and probably hungry and thirsty. I rang 1083 for some numbers to call, but there was a long wait and no answer, so I rang 999 ! Thankfully, someone gave me a good number to call, and I was put through to a switchboard and then someone called to give me some advice and promised that help would be on it’s way.

I brought the birdie some water, organic nuts, seeds and berries, and a box to cover it, so to calm it; as advised by the caller. I had to guard it for it’s safety as dogs often came pass this alley. So I waited by it’s side for 2.30 hours. All the time praying that it will be saved and not put down.

While guarding it, a few ignorant people has passed by. Even though where I was standing is not a public footpath, there were still people who wanted to use it at their convenience.

One man walked up the stairs and charged towards me, almost kicking the box with the birdie in it. I told him to please be careful, as there is a bird in the box, and he told me that I was stupid… blah blah blah.. H5N1… bird flu.. complete ASSHOLE – I thought.
Then, a woman with an umbrella almost poked the box, responded likewise when I explained about the bird.
Later, the lovely little Hispanic school girl, Chelsea who lived on the 5th floor, came with her mummy, and waved a nice hello to me expressed kindness and interests when I told her about the bird.
Then came Roy, my worldly/well travelled interior designer neighbour who was very kind and asked if I needed a stool to sit on while waiting for the authority. Thinking the stool left by the cleaners would be dirtier than the ground, I politely declined, and stood waiting in silent.

As the sun sat, and skies darken, I became more worried and wondered if the authority would ever appear? Or should I start thinking about sleeping beside it?
At 6:30 the woman whose over hanging bed sheets, I once cut, who lived in the flat above mine, came back from work. As she approached where I was guarding, I told her to be careful where she tread, and informed her about the baby bird. To my utter surprise, she S C R E A M E Ded ! I shush her immediately, and told her NOT to frighten the poor bird further more… But she warned me about sick birds and H5N1…. and not to spread it around the neighbourhood “when" I get it.
I really hope birds and other wild life will NEVER meet her, as she most probably will KILL them.

Ok… I realised the HK gov. have hammered the idea of humans contracting H5N1 from sick or dead birds by even just standing next to one… but I really hope that they can also educated the general public about wild life, and how important it is that we should be kind and show respect towards these animals that co-exist in our neighbourhood.

Thank God for grandpa who allowed us to play and explore endlessly in his huge garden. Where much of my childhood was spent watching birds and other wildlife. Thanks to MOM, who later moved us to Melbourne. Where I learnt a great deal about respecting the environment and it’s tenants.

I just hope that bird get well soon, and can find it’s mother after being rescued.
It could barely fly….
bird